Recipio: to go back, retreat

The most persistent lie in my repertoire is: I must give my “best” to Christ.

The reality is that my “best” is worthless. Not only is it not very good, but I do not “own” it. I am incapable of producing good. The only thing I can honestly give is that which I can actually produce. However, dare I call it an ‘offering’ when I sin (which is about all I can “honestly” produce).

Yet, is this not the God who redeems the worthless? Isn’t this the God who makes life where there was only death? What if I switch my paradigm to: I give God whatever I have (even if that is sickness, weakness, even rebellion) - trusting that it is HE who redeems it and makes it worth having.

What can this mean? That it is not about my gift!

My “gift” is the weakness for GOD to empower. My “gift” is the rebellion for GOD to forgive and convert to faithfulness. My “gift” is the carcass for GOD to resurrect. My prayer changes from one of frustration that my “gift” is not worthy – that I cannot overcome the defects – to one of AMAZEMENT that even my gift is wanted and made worthy by God.

My fear is that if I stop struggling to be ‘good’ – restraining my nature with all my might – I might turn out to be. . .horrible! I am ashamed of what I already am guilty of – and THAT despite exhausting myself trying to hold back more.

An image that lurks in the corner of my mind is of Moses desperately leaning into the walls of the Red Sea as the Israelites cross. This poor, exhausted, man: confused about what is really holding back the crushing weight of the sea. THAT is how I live.

I live in denial of the fullness of God’s gift. More than the exhaustion of Moses, the frustration of blocking the path for others, the terrible example for others that he sets, the real problem is the insult to the God who parted the seas.

I ‘believe’ God forgives my sin and makes me clean – but have I stopped at that? Did he part the seas of my sin but leave me trapped and alone to hold them back? Do I trust Him that He is who He says He is and does what He says He does?

HE says He is moving me to discipline, obedience, LIFE. If I do not blossom in these areas it is evidence that I have not given Him all of me (including my sin). When I give it to HIM I must let go of it. My victory over sin is not in conquering but releasing – it is letting GOD do what HE does to sin – throw it away.

So what can one DO with this!?!
If the BEST I can offer is the real me (as ugly as I am apart from Him)…
I acknowledge that I cannot make good my debt to God – I must gratefully accept the whole measure of forgiveness. Any less is for the adolescent to refuse to eat at the table (set for him and his family) in order to make his own way – yet stealing food from the pantry because he cannot purchase his own. God has set the table for me with all I need. I have no other source. I’m going to DIVE IN – and give thanks! And I’m going to trust that He does want me and works within me – giving me a new heart and power to prevail and do good things for Him.

MY HIGHEST achievement is soaking and celebrating in all the grace I’ve been given! My Opus Magnum is gratitude!

This entry was posted on Friday, February 27th, 2004 at 12:48 pm and is filed under Church. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.